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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

flying too high like some bird in the sky

Okay, this is the pie list I came up with.  Can I get some feedback?

Sour:
Lemon Meringue
Cranberry Meringue (Should I cut the cranberries with some raspberries?)

Fruit:
Apple
Plum/Blueberry (Which one?  Maybe a mix?)

Cream:
Banana
Strawberry/Chocolate (Chocolate is a bigger crowd-pleaser, but strawberry is less expected)

Rich:
Pumpkin
Maple Syrup

I am not totally opposed to adding another one into the mix--the obvious choice would be to do both strawberry and chocolate cream pies, because I really want to do that strawberry one--but is it too summery?  And is that too many cream pies?  I do a chocolate pie with bananas, but I think people probably want a traditional banana cream pie with vanilla filling for Thanksgiving, would you agree?  And what about the crusts?  I've looked through and decided that they are all probably good in a traditional pastry crust, except for maybe the pumpkin, which might be nice in a gingersnap crust.  And I know chocolate pie in a chocolate crumb crust is good, but sometimes it feels like too much chocolate.

Monday, November 17, 2014

what is urinetown? urinetown is here

Welp, at least one of the goats is bred.  The buck arrived Saturday morning and didn't waste any time.  He is a sweet, good-tempered boy, too, so hopefully that will carry through to the babies.  Goodness knows Sally's kids don't need any more crazy.  


I have begun my pie preparations for Thanksgiving.  But I am so hung up on flavors!  Here's what's planned:  

1.  Apple 
2.  Lemon Meringue 
3.  Banana Cream
4.  Pumpkin 
5.  Maple Syrup (from a recent Cook's Country magazine--looks totally intriguing) 
6.  Chess? (maybe too similar to the maple syrup pie)
7.  Rhubarb? (where to find rhubarb this time of year)
8.  Pecan? (I don't know if John's family even likes pecan pie) 

Do we need eight pies? There will be thirty-some-odd people, some of them children and babies.  I usually cut pies into eight pieces, so that would be enough for almost everybody, children and babies included, to have two pieces.  Will people eat that much pie?  And what about the flavors?  You have to have apple, lemon, pumpkin, and banana cream, but the rest are all up for grabs and other than the maple syrup one I'm not feeling jazzed about any of them.  Chocolate cream pie is boring.  As John says, that's what you give to children who don't like pie.  It's a cheater pie for palate-deaf babies is all we're saying.  HELP ME.  

Monday, November 10, 2014

you can tell me when it's over

So I am going to be very surprised if someday I don't lose my eyes to a horrific mystery infection.  My hands are ALWAYS in my eyes, rubbing them, dabbing for some infinitesimally tiny speck of gunk or eyelash, and it'll be my eventual undoing.

I think our cat food is poisonous?  Groceries is sick and has been barfing, which I know he does sometimes, but this isn't recently gobbled food, it's bile.  And now neither one of the cats will touch the Costco food.  Werry suspicious.  So I bought a bag of Iams today just to see, and Groceries ate it and so far hasn't barfed, but I did make him go outside just in case.  I hope I don't have to take him to the vet, because they'll be all "Do you want to give your cat a $300 blood test to find out what's wrong with him, or are you a garbage person who wants animals to suffer?"  Look, I love Groceries, and I put up with all manner of shenanigans from him--burying his poop in the bathmat!  Pooping in the bathroom sink!  He's got the location down, just not the procedure.  I wonder if we could train him to go in the toilet.  But like I was saying, I love that cat, and the kids do too, and John doesn't dislike him, which is saying a lot for John.  But I don't know that I want to spend, like, a ton of money on him.  I want to spend even less on Rex.  I'm not proud of myself or anything, but it's important to be honest.



Last week I was driving in town, and I kid you not, somebody was running their sprinklers!  And I was like "DUDE!  It's November, what is wrong with you?"  It's his property, and it's legal I guess, but boy was I judging him.  The people of Utah are going to keep doing dumb crap like this right up until the last drop of drinking water goes ploop onto somebody's lawn and then the water wars will begin and there will be bloodshed for sure.

I dressed as a newspaper for Halloween.
Get it?  I'm black and white and red all over!  It would be better if the boots matched the suit, but we're talking about a costume party here, not an inaugural ball.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

prego, prego, anywhere you may go

I worked at the polls on Tuesday and loved all fifteen hours of it.  We were pretty busy all day, so the time went quickly.  They fed us lunch but not dinner, which I think is mean.  We got sexually harassed by a nasty old man who joked about his Viagra falling out of his wallet if he got out his photo ID, and how we all wanted to see his Viagra, and it's like, since when do people want to tell everyone about their erectile dysfunction, or pretend they have it?  Because BONERS FUNNY HAR HAR.  Gross.  But mostly people were well-behaved.

We helped the magic neighbors make apple cider yesterday.  Wendy bought a case of lemons, so she threw some in to the apple mix to see how it tasted, and it was like the most refreshing lemonade of all time.  Two thumbs up, would purchase again.  We've got all of our cider done for the year, thank goodness.  Preserving the harvest is kind of a pain in the butt, and unless you grow your own fruit or get it from your neighbors for free it's not exactly a money-saver.  My poor little eyes bulged when I realized how much our six quarts of grape juice cost us.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

honey's sweet, but it ain't nothin' next to baby's treat

A partial list of the emotions I experienced while driving home from Ogden:

1.  angry about the practice and justification of polygamy
2.  crying with maternal sentiment about my children and how one day they will all be gone
3.  nervous and hopeful that when they go on their missions my kids will teach doctrine rather than culture
4.  embarrassed about how cheesy Neil Diamond's lyrics are to "Forever in Blue Jeans"
5.  irritated by the family who refuses to let anyone in the ward visit them, and then complains about how nobody in the ward helps or cares about them
6.  crying about "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" because it reminds me of my grandpa who died two years ago and used to sing it all the time
7.  needing to use the bathroom

I'm just saying that maybe I have menopause.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

so we strapped a cannon to Bootstrap's bootstraps

Last week I was making a double batch of Dutch oven bread and had to call into service a Cuisinart pan that I've only used to make soups and whatnot.  The enamel exploded all over the oven while it was preheating, which was not very cool.  


I finished Frankenstein, and it is a sad book.  Have any of you read it recently?  Do you hate Victor as much as I do?  He is rotten, and it infuriates me that he never acknowledges his own culpability, not just for the monster's person, but also his boundless bitterness and rage.  It sounds so trite to say "He just wants to be loved!", but it's the truth.  It's too bad that Victor was grossed out by his creation, but it was his creation.  He was responsible for the care and feeding of it, morally as well as physically, and he blew it, and he deserved death and ruin so I'm glad he got it.  If he couldn't fulfill his responsibilities to the monster then he should have destroyed it as soon as it came to life.  I feel sorry for the innocents that were destroyed by association with Victor, and their deaths are on his head, a fact that I don't think he really ever accepts.  Ugh, I hate him.  And Walton, the ship's captain, is basically in love with him, partly because he (Walton) is classist and aspirationally elitist.  He's a whole other can of worms to examine on a therapist's couch.  I would love to sit down with Mary Shelley and pick her brain.  What was her intent with Victor Frankenstein?  Was she trying to create a sympathetic hero or a villain?  

We have pressed about thirteen gallons of apple cider in the last week.  It is so amazing and I feel super provident.  We have six more boxes of apples we need to do, but they're all golden delicious, and a single-variety cider is not a good cider.  We need to get our hands on some nice spicy apples that somebody wants off their tree.  

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

the town so nice they named it twice

Today was the last day of school this week, and our fall break has begun, which basically means four nights we can watch movies instead of two.  Double the pleasure, double the fun!  I tell you, I could watch movies and eat treats with my kids until the cows came home and I would count myself among the most fortunate of women.  This is how I know I will have poor health and die early.  'Cuz I just love sittin' 'n eatin'!  But we can't live forever, you know?  So I may as well have fun with what time I have on this miserable rock.  Just kidding, Earth, I love you!  Don't kill me with a supervolcano.

We're not going anywhere exciting for fall break because 1) cannot afford and 2) sick of going places.  Remind me to feed my mom's cat.  I got our bass back from the guitar store.  They were helping it to not buzz because it is a cheap bass and has some high frets.  While there I took a closer look at the dulcimer Ike discovered and has been begging for ever since we dropped off the bass.  I thought about it because who doesn't want a gentle giant of a child who plays the dulcimer?  But it seems like kind of a dumb idea and maybe a little gimmicky and until somebody convinces me that I need it I'm staying out of the ren faire department.  But I did buy a guitar while I was there because I want there to be a guitar at my parents' house and who wants to be the nerdlinger who hauls their guitar everywhere they go, like "Oh hi, here I am with my guitar just in case you want me to perform for everybody and make this gathering all about me like usual."  It's a beaut, too--mahogany!  It makes me think of incense, but in a cool, woodsy way, not a hallucinogenic mushroom and dirty shag carpet way.


Did I tell you that I dyed my canvas trench coat with the same dye I used on my armchairs, and that it worked like a charm?  Well, it did.  Just stirred it around in my roasting pan for a half hour and then washed it.

Our elephant heart plum tree finally produced something this year, and boy, was it worth the wait.  These plums are so big and crisp and sweet and juicy, and so deep red that it looks like blood on my cutting board!