You can't really tell, but that white one in the back row is friggin' yooge. As big as a duck egg, I am not lying. I mean, I'm for expediting and cutting out unnecessary steps, but I bet that leghorn was feeling like maybe saving money and having all her purchases shipped together wasn't that great of an idea in retrospect.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
would you just LOOK at these eggs?
Posted by Layne at 9:47 PM 5 comments Links to this post
Labels: farming
Friday, March 28, 2008
my mouth tastes sick
How do I hate thee, Crest Pro-Health, Clean Mint flavor? Let me count the ways:
- You taste like brushing my teeth with stale lemon root beer.
- When I am done brushing my teeth, my mouth literally feels no cleaner, to the point that I often can't remember whether or not I've actually brushed--BOO!
What we ate last night:
Posted by Layne at 10:17 AM 5 comments Links to this post
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
but what if I like the taste of methoxychlor?
If you're like me, you're suspicious of the term "organic," and even if you weren't, you (also like me) are not independently wealthy. So, here is a list of foods that some earth nerds say we should spend the extra bucks on to get organic (or grow your own).
- meat
- milk
- coffee beans
- peaches
- apples
- peppers
- celery
- strawberries
- lettuces
- grapes
- potatoes
- tomatoes
Posted by Layne at 2:31 PM 3 comments Links to this post
Labels: food
tag
On page 123 of the nearest book (this required some creative interpretation, since I am sitting next to the bookshelf), fifth sentence in, we find:
"The potatoes I'd been expecting have apparently either been clarified to an essence or were used to stoke the grill."
--from Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
To complete this tag on your own:
1. Pick up the nearest book (at least 123 pages)
2. Turn to page 123
3. Find the 5th sentence
4. Post the 5th sentence on your blog
5. Tag 5 people
I tag Kellie, Emily, Courtney, Amy and All8
Also: I haven't forgotten, CLAIRE.
Posted by Layne at 10:34 AM 2 comments Links to this post
Monday, March 24, 2008
sometimes we are responsible
It's been spring break around here, so I've had to keep our little varmints very busy. We organized and (sort-of) dejunked the toy room on Friday, since our workmen were having a lot of difficulty getting past the piles of broken junk on their way to work on the bathroom.
On Saturday we worked so hard you wouldn't have recognized us. Like, as hard as my parents would work if they got the flu really bad, that's how hard we worked.
Today the boys are on toy room duty again. What? you ask. Didn't they just do that on Friday? Well, yes, but as any experienced parent knows, that just gives them license to mess it up again, and it's really a lot like living with slugs, because my children leave a slime trail behind them wherever they go.
Here are the things we did on Saturday (our camera is gasping its last, so apologies for the poor quality):
Posted by Layne at 12:54 PM 3 comments Links to this post
Thursday, March 20, 2008
a yummy dinner for my undeserving children
Posted by Layne at 9:52 PM 4 comments Links to this post
from Slate
Here's a good article about unwed parenting. Old-fashioned or not, children need good moms and dads.
Posted by Layne at 1:36 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: society
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
the whirlwind is in the thorn tree
I don't have time for a real post right now, but I am going to tell you that the song "The Man Comes Around" is my new boyfriend. Johnny Cash has always reminded me of my grandpa, and I'm not going to lie to you, part of the reason is because I think when my grandpa went to the toupee store he must have said, "Gimme the Johnny Cash." But I digress. They played this song during the season finale* of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (I hate myself for typing out that smurfy name), and it was incredible. Such a perfect match of cinematography and soundtrack. I love a good action movie, and this show is my other new boyfriend. It's like watching Terminator every week! Because it is! Exactly, in fact!
*possibly disturbing imagery
Posted by Layne at 10:18 AM 5 comments Links to this post
Labels: ephemera
Friday, March 14, 2008
I do not support the use of whipped topping
Okay, that's a terrific generalization, but it's mostly true, and it makes a snappier post title than "I typically do not support the use of whipped topping except in situations similar to the one I will now describe."
I usually don't mind it when it's mixed with other things as part of a recipe.
The reason I'm discussing this is I was watching Martha this morning while I was treadmilling (it's streaming video from a previous broadcast, so I don't know which day it aired), and she had a woman on making Tres Leches cake, which has never sounded appetizing to me. It sounds soggy and gritty, but a lot of people like it, so maybe I'm crazy. Anyhoo, the lady made a "lighter" version of the cake, and she got to the end, and put LIGHT WHIPPED TOPPING on it. Martha just about had a bird. She said, "That's the first time we've ever used THAT on the show," and then? When the cake was all plated and ready for her to try? SHE DIDN'T TASTE IT. I was giggling to myself as I ran and sweated at how Martha was ready to fall on her sword about the whipped topping. Because, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the protocol on cooking shows that you taste whatever creation the guest chef makes, gagging it down if necessary, and then declare that it tastes great, even if it doesn't? But you taste it. Martha feels fairly strongly about it, I guess. I agree with her. Real ingredients are worth it, even if you have to eat a smaller piece of cake. See previous lectures of mine on the topic of How We're Killing Ourselves With Fake Everything.
Posted by Layne at 10:30 AM 3 comments Links to this post
Monday, March 10, 2008
springtime in the mudhole
This afternoon we planted two rows of peas and two rows of carrots. Short rows, but so what? It's spring! We're experimenting with a newfangled invention called seed tape--the carrot seeds are all embedded in what appears to be miniature toilet paper. You just lay the tape down in the row, cover and water. No thinning, no losing handfuls of seeds. I wonder if it will work.
Also I have glass in my foot from the windows.
I was talking to my grandpa today, and he mentioned that he has a neighbor who sells additive-free beef and lamb at their farmers' market, and he has people asking him for goat meat all the time--more than any other meat, he said. So my grandpa wanted to talk to me about it. Hee. I can't even give goats away down here, because everybody thinks goats are for eating ditches, not for meat or milk. But not me. I'm so far ahead of this curve. See how I have my finger on the pulse? Finger! On the pulse!
Posted by Layne at 3:39 PM 4 comments Links to this post
Friday, March 7, 2008
ranting
Here's something that needs to be chucked--bandeau swim tops for women. I will not link to a picture of them because: naughty, and also: UNFLATTERING. My reaction to seeing a woman--a model, even--wearing a bandeau top was, "Wow. That is not a good look for her." I hate them INTENSELY.
Also: our local school district is totally insane, and has suspended a teacher because the students in his class accidentally scraped up some loose tiles that MAY CONTAIN ASBESTOS. Why is it his fault that the district is too sloppy to protect the lambikins from the asbestos, that, judging from the aura of terror that surrounds it, has become sentient and composed a detailed map of students' homes, with the best vantage points for sniper attacks? We wonders, precious, we asks ourself, then why is the asbestos still in the classroom?
The other day my mom wondered how I got so eccentric, and compared me to a lady she knew who wanted to get all her fillings taken out, something to do with aliens, I guess. I've got to believe that it's partly my parents' fault that I have become a hippie-libertarian-feminist-conspiracy theorist-puritanical scold. Right? Either that or they should never have taught me to read.
Posted by Layne at 9:57 PM 1 comments Links to this post
Labels: society
Thursday, March 6, 2008
tag, I'm it
10 years ago . . .
I was living by myself in Provo, tech writing for a non-profit educational software company, and my subtle plan to become John's wife had begun to bear fruit.
5 things on my to-do list today:
feed and water the animals
start potty-training my 3 year old
throw the cat outside for coughing up hairballs
remove most of the glue from the floor
have den meeting--barf
What would I do if I were suddenly a millionaire?
pay tithing
pay off the house
put in a fence
build a barn and milking parlor
build John a recording studio
buy all the land around us
move our house further away from the road
3 bad habits:
laziness
vulgarity
selfishness
6 places I have lived:
Honeyville--twice
Bear River
Logan--twice
Provo
Orem
Lehi
5 jobs I've had:
office grunt at my dad's business
telephone survey person (don't JUDGE me)
manual laborer at my dad's business
tech writer
mom
5 things people don't know about me:
I have a terrible sense of direction and quantity
I get carsick, but not seasick
I was embarrassed of my super-sharp canine teeth in high school and asked my uncle (who was also my dentist) to file them down--he wouldn't
I love binomial nomenclature
Seeing Smokey the Bear in parades makes me cry
I tag Claire (even though we'll have to wait awhile to see it) and I was going to say Jill, but I think she might be out of stuff to say, so I'll tag Crystal instead.
Posted by Layne at 1:59 PM 1 comments Links to this post
Labels: ephemera
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
shut up, stupid eloi
I'm a little annoyed right now. I have had some business dealings with a group of people who are rubbing me the wrong way. You know when you meet someone, and he/she starts right off talking about Our Sexist Patriarchal Society, or It's So Difficult Having Gifted Children, or Our Gentrified Neighborhood Is Just So Authentic, or Did I Mention The New Thought Paradigm I Developed, or Others Feel Threatened By My Abilities, or It's Actually Pronounced Kah-Rah-TAY, and your hitting fist starts to itch a little bit? And you want to tell them to stop cluttering up your life with their uselessness? That's how I feel dealing with these people. Any one of their quirks taken singly would be just that, but together they need to shut their gobs.
*addendum: These are all discussions I'm perfectly willing to have, and I've certainly been guilty of behaving this way myself, but it's like, settle down, already! I promise that people will think you're smart if you just quit telling us you are.
Posted by Layne at 8:00 PM 1 comments Links to this post
Labels: society
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
buying, gestating, lying fallow
We're about a month and a half away from Baby Goat Season--the anticipation is killing me! Well, I guess not killing. Causing moderate interest is more precise. This will be the most babies we've ever had, and the most does I've ever milked. I hope I can keep up. I'll tell you one thing, if Catwoman doesn't have better output this year, she's getting culled. And I'm sure it's going to be a wrestling match just getting Tilde to the milking stand--she's a freaking lab monkey. And I hope that Finola has a better kidding than last year. She was so sad when her babies died. So much to think about. I'll post some pictures of the whole process, because I know how everyone likes to see the miracle of life! Yum.
Our garden seeds are here as well. I was overzealous in my ordering, just like I always am, so we'll see if I actually plant all the things I want to. The main things are peas, greens, tomatoes and squash. Anything else I get in the ground will be, if not a miracle, at least a surprise. I'm taking Emily's advice and growing some onions this year for sure, though.
Posted by Layne at 10:13 AM 3 comments Links to this post