Tuesday, August 19, 2008

only the fact that I had my arms full kept me from punching her in the neck

I just wrote the nastiest, most mean-spirited thing I think I've ever written. I have not published it, because I surprised even myself with how vituperative it is. Here is a calmer version:

Tonight we ate at Maddox, because on Tuesdays kids eat for 99 cents, and you can't beat that with a stick. When we were leaving, we walked down the ramp to the exit, and the Hulk sort of half-ran down to the door, passing a couple of women on his way. There was also a little boy who was maybe 2 years old walking up and down the ramp while his family waited for their name to be called. So these two women do that say-it-under-your-breath-but-loud-enough-for-everyone-to-hear thing and say, "Whose children are those?" and "They need to control their children!"

Are you kidding me with this?

So, even though our kids weren't even near these women, they felt it necessary to publicly decry our parenting skills? I think anyone who knows me will agree that if a kid is out of line, I'm one of the first people to be annoyed by it. Not really maternal, you know? I feel pretty safe in saying that if you get bugged to the point of public remonstration by a child walking quickly past you on the way to the door--coming nowhere near you in the process--you'd better prepare your tin-foil hat and your rag-on-a-stick washing apparatus, because you are not fit to be in public.

Look, bottom line; I'm not a great mom. I get that. But you know what isn't an example of poor parenting? My kid passing you in the hall.