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Thursday, April 23, 2009

you're starting your own paper company? in this climate?

I sometimes worry about what I'm going to do after the kids are gone. After they're grown up, I mean--what did you think I meant? Because I'll have to get a job, right? I'm doing my darnedest to contrive a way of turning one or more of my hobbies into employment, but it looks like the only work of that kind available is as a volunteer in some Colonial Town carnival attraction. And I know that being a carny would be the best ever, but maybe I need a few more drunk-and-disorderly convictions under my belt first.

But I don't want a job. I'm not good at jobs. I used to have one and it sucked. Not the work itself, but the whole "be in a place at a time" thing that is my eternal bugaboo. I loved my coworkers, in fact. I spent a whole lot of time over in the art department, and I'll be honest, I didn't always give my employer an honest day's work. Once I was over chatting with the artists, and we got started talking about that LAME part in Jurassic Park 2 where Jeff Goldblum's gymnast daughter subdues a velociraptor with some parallel bar routine, and how impossibly shark-jumping it was, even for a movie about re-engineered dinosaurs. So we started drawing climactic scenes from classic movies on the white board, inserting the gymnast daughter into all of them. Jaws, King Kong, Citizen Kane . . . everybody was getting a boot to the head. This went on for months, until we had exhausted our supply of shared cinematic heritage. I also remember that one of the artists had Pez dispensers of all the Star Wars characters, and the Darth Vader one had been dressed in a little paper t-shirt that said, "I Nearly Conquered the Galaxy and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt." Good times.

But thinking of going back to working for The Man is a real drag! I got my tech writing degree so I could work from home, but tech writing is BORING, y'all! It would be different if I got to edit enjoyable novels or cookbooks, but with my luck it would be all internal medicine textbooks and Rotato user manuals.

Speaking of novels, in case you haven't already read it, the Pioneer Woman has for some time been posting her husband's and her love story chapter by chapter, and it is a lot of steamy, clean fun. I like me a romance once in a while, and the boring, nervous person in me is thankful when I know it's going to end happily.

And maybe I don't have to worry too much about polishing off my resume, since the world economy will have undoubtedly supernovaed by the time my kids are grown. Maybe by then I can actually get paid for my knowledge of how to churn butter (note: I do not know how to do this). I know this: if English speech and writing continues on its current trajectory, the skills of a tech writer will be worthless, as there will be no one remaining, aside from the tech writers themselves, who cares about using were in an if clause.

5 comments:

tipsybaker said...

If real offices were (!) like the Office I would not mind office jobs so much.
I have an idea. Not so much an idea as a thought. I'm going to email you after I make some quark.

Sarah said...

Perhaps if I had taken more than the 2 required English classes for my major, I might not feel so inept when commenting on your hilarious-tech-writing-genius blog. :) That's an awesome story about your previous job, though. Perhaps in you future job you can edit gardening books, or cookbooks, or do-it-yourself books, or...better yet, write one! It would sell like hot cakes, man. In fact, just print up the last 2 years of Baba Capra posts and send it to the printers. You'll make millions.

mmm.chocolate said...

What an insightful post. Life after kids . . . ? I'm not sure what will happen to me, but, you will surely become a famous and accomplished writer (not the tech kind). Thank you for the jam recipe. I made it yesterday and it worked great!

Bamamoma said...

Wait! jam recipe? is this the one that doesn't require loads and loads of sugar? If so, I need it. I need it like I need Eden to take a three hour nap every day. That is a SERIOUS need. Will you send it to me soon (like yesterday)?

Thanks and I think you'll be having so much fun being a mission president's wife when the kids are gone that you won't miss a thing... :-)

THE WILKER CLAN said...

We always wondered what we would do once the kids were gone...travel, sleep in, finally have a clean house, srapbook, garden, just putter around...instead tend grand kids, chauffeur, make family dinners still, clean up BIG messes after family dinners, storage unit for kids {sometime or another} and grand kids toys, bury pets that other pets kill {contact wade for more details} caring for elderly parents {hint hint our time is coming} being a parent is a lifetime job there will be plenty to do until your 6 feet under...then there will be the Lords work to do for an eternity! p.s. I still get exhausted reading about all the things you do now I do not know how you do it all!! you are a inspiration...