cookie-induced myocardial infarction

THESE FRACKING COOKIES!

How is it fair--HOW?!--that something that sounds as Rube-Goldbergian as "croquembouche" is just cream puffs (easy!) globbed together in a pile, and something that sounds innocent, like "cookie," is like climbing an Escher? WHY must I fail at every attempt at masonry?

This cookie recipe is going to drive me screaming from my house, rending my clothes as I run drooling and barefoot down the street.

It is my magnum opus, and I can't get the stupid thing past alpha testing!