Tuesday, May 12, 2009

the cooking mayor

I have this problem where I can't stop eating yummy food.

I made ribs last week for dinner and they were the shizznit. And just now I was eating them cold (of course, because I as a general rule not only frown upon, but scowl upon, microwaving meat) and I had to metaphorically grab myself by the shoulders and start shaking, because otherwise I'd have downed the whole slab. Meat is so good.

Yesterday someone asked me how long she should boil (!) the chicken for some dish she was making.
Me (inside my head): "None. Not at all."
Me (aloud): "Uh. I'm not sure, because I don't boil chicken. If you cook it to 165* internally, it will be fine."

I usually think my way is the best way, which is part of why that cookie recipe I'm trying to fix has been making me plotz. I go on food quests until I find the best version of whatever dish, and thenceforth do not stray, unless an even better version comes along. I wouldn't call any of my stuff the perfect recipe, or perfect method, because that's pretty subjective and difficult to qualify with any sort of legitimacy. But here are some more of my food rules, which someone with a less pushy personality would shut up about already, because who really wants to get into it with a Southerner about why their cornbread sucks?

1. There is no real reason to cook asparagus any other way than broiling. The season is so short that you don't have time to get sick of it, and it's so tender and crunchy and salty and sweet.
2. A steak should be cooked quickly to medium rare at the MOST, and seasoned only with kosher salt and pepper. And it should be a ribeye or a New York strip. Stop eating filet mignon, it's embarrassing.
3. Potatoes are best either baked with oil and salt rubbed onto their skins (they're called salty jackets here), or cut into pieces, tossed with oil and salt and pepper, and roasted. Mashed potatoes are boring and their bad dancing makes my feet sad.
4. Lemon pie should made from my mother-in-law's recipe and topped with whipped cream.
5. Scrambled eggs should not have additives, except maybe a tiny, tiny amount of milk added but barely stirred, because scrambled eggs should NOT be homogeneous.
6. Biscuits should be patted or rolled ONCE, then cut with a knife or pizza cutter. No re-rolling. It's stupid and round biscuits are unnecessary.

And it goes on--usually the simplest preparation is my favorite. I have no authority to be pronouncing judgment, but I know what I like, and since I'm the cooking mayor of this house, what I say goes.


All8 said...

After using your lovely Scented Geranium soap today, it got me to thinking......of all the possibilities........How's Them Apples (Chamomile with green and or red Apple peel), Florida Lawn (Lemon Verbena with Sweet Woodruff), Kensington Garden (Rose with a touch of thyme). Anyway---

tipsybaker said...

I usually assume there's a better way. I was on a quest for the perfect banana bread and found it, but I stray all the time because maybe there's an even better one. Nope. There isn't. But I can't stop.
I bought Sucanat today. Does that feature in your cookie? The sugar section of Whole Foods has, like, exploded. I don't know what half the stuff is. Ditto for flour. Teff flour? I want to try all of it.

Justine said...

can you share the lemon pie recipe please?