Tuesday, June 16, 2009

you have no idea how grossed out you're going to be

Hey, so . . . it turns out I've gone kookoopants. Lemme 'splain:

One year at Young Women's Camp we were in an area where we had to dig our own latrine. A little nasty, but since I'd been camping many a time and had slung my hindquarters over many a fallen log, I was cool with it. (Gross aside: I could never do that squat thing--my balance is sketchy and the pee always just ran down my legs.) And don't be hatin' because we were taking more than pictures and leaving more than footprints. It was the primitive times and we didn't know better! Anyway, this year with the latrines, there was a girl in our tent who said she refused to use the latrine, and explained to us, "I'll just have my mom give me an enema when I get home." (emphasis mine)

HOLY CRAP, not to be punny or anything, but HOLY CRAP.

This family of latrine-eschewing enema-givers was way into homeopathic medicine, and so this is the conclusion I drew: people who use natural remedies are people who say prayers over the phone and refuse to void their bowels for a week. Couple this with the knowledge that they homeschooled, and their kids were ultramegaweird, and you can see the toxic picture that was painted for me. The crazinesses were inextricable from one another.

And now, I find myself culturing kefir in my cupboard to promote healthy intestinal flora. Dripping garlic oil in my children's ears to fight infections. Drinking raw milk and making my own cheese with it. Making peanut butter, of all the stupid things. And now, brewing kombucha in a jar, because I think there's a chance it might help my husband detoxify his liver and cure my sister-in-law's cancer. WHO IS THIS PERSON I HAVE BECOME?

I'm reading a book called Nourishing Traditions, and am actually finding information of merit. It's sort of a hybrid cookbook/manifesto/call to arms about the bill of goods we've been sold about how we should be feeding ourselves. It is earnest and terribly preachy, and some of it I flatly disagree with. But it has interesting details about fruits and vegetables, and recipes for traditional methods of preserving them that, rather than sapping them of their nutrients, make them even better for you and easier to digest, as well as add beneficial flora to the gut. Healthy guts! Woo!

As you know if you've met me, I have become one of those weirdos who believes that you can medicate with your diet--even in somewhat extreme cases. I talk about beneficial flora to anyone who will sit still. I am hideous. And before long I guess we'll be performing our own enemas. Although withholding stools because you don't like the venue seems to be in stark contrast to the natural medicine school of thought. But what do I know? I just work here.


tipsybaker said...

You should move to Northern California! You'd have so many friends. "Nourishing Traditions" is a bible around here.

highdeekay said...

Might I just add that your husband fairly regularly says prayers over the phone. (as does mine, and Jenny's, and Jill's ...)

Let us know how the cancer curing goes because we'd like to sign up.