Monday, November 23, 2009

a few times I been 'round that track, so it's not just gonna happen like that

Are you ever reading one of your home/lifestyle magazines (which Ina Garten calls "shelter" magazines, sooooo twee) and you find yourself getting angry at the people in the stories? This happens to me all the time. Not surprising, because I yell at the TV, too. I get it from my grandpa. He used to shout, and maybe he still does, what do I know, "WHERE'S MY TV BRICK?" He's also to blame for me crying at things like the ambulatory Statue of Liberty stomping on the naughty ghosts in Ghostbusters Whichever That One Was.

Anyway, the things the subjects say in the magazine features ("We really try to draw ourselves and our guests into the living room, where the environment is so much softer.") always remind me of that Ab Fab episode when Patsy has gotten caught shagging an MP, I think, and she gets the horrible botched face lift in preparation for her interview with Hello! magazine, and the whole episode she's fantasizing about the Hello! piece ("Would you like to follow me into my gracious drawing room?" "I bless the wonder of life, and the newness of living."). I think it's sad that the magazine makes everyone sound so facile and materialistic. Unless they are, then good job, magazine! Way to expose hypocrisy while pretending to glorify it!

One of the guys in our ward left John a message saying, "This is the Home Teacher Data Commander. All Home Teaching programs are operating within prescribed parameters." You can't tell me that's not awesome.

The men working on the road up the hill from our house broke a water line and we have no water pressure and the toilets won't flush. This is one of the reasons I don't want to be a pioneer. They expect me to wash my dishes by hand? Like a caveperson? (I didn't say cavewoman because I don't accept the perpetual dominance of the patriarchy.) I realize now that it would be easy to infer from my remarks that I do my dishes in the toilet, which is not the case. I did have to do them in the bathtub for a while when we were remodeling the kitchen, and I'm grateful I no longer have to mash chunks through the drain grate.


kacy faulconer said...

You do your dishes in the bathtub? Gross. That's supposed to be an intimate retreat.

All8 said...

I feel for you and no water pressure. Here's hoping that they get it fixed beyond fast (and right). Hey, you don't need any return visits.

And yes, being within your prescribed parameters for Home Teaching is beyond Awesome! Too funny.