Friday, November 13, 2009

of numbers one and two

This may surprise you because I'm a grammar stickler and super concerned about people behaving correctly in public, but I think that potty humor is hilarious. Poop and pee jokes--done well--kill me. One of my favorite passages in fiction comes from "Us and Them," a humorous essay in Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris. In it he describes his backward neighbors the Tomkeys coming to trick-or-treat on November 1st, and how he shoved all his candy bars into his mouth rather than risk his mother giving them to the Tomkey children. Come along with me:

I had just started to mutilate a miniature box of Red Hots when my mother pried them from my hands, accidentally finishing the job for me. BB-size pellets clattered onto the floor, and as I followed them with my eyes, she snatched up a roll of Necco wafers.

"Not those," I pleaded, but rather than words, my mouth expelled chocolate, chewed chocolate, which fell onto the sleeve of her sweater. "Not those. Not those."

She shook her arm, and the mound of chocolate dropped like a horrible turd upon my bedspread. "You should look at yourself," she said. "I mean, really look at yourself."

The entire essay may be read here. Just don't blame me if you develop a Sedaris habit and you have to talk to your bishop about the adult subject matter.

When I re-read that passage to John last night--I'm always reading Sedaris to him, and he puts up with it graciously--I was sobbing with laughter. And it's got to be at least my fourth time reading it. But he says turd! Can you stand it?

I also enjoy seeing a chimp in a dress, who is roller skating and smoking a cigar. I hope you don't think less of me.