Tuesday, April 27, 2010

scenes from home depot


Stoned Fiftyish Home Depot Employee: "Hey, can I help you, ma'am?"
Layne: "Yeah, I was wondering if you have any more rolls of this?" (gesturing to the roll of fencing in her arms)
SFHDE: "Huh?"
Layne: "Do you have any more rolls of this?" (more pointing)
SFHDE: "Rolls of that?"
Layne: "Yeah, of this stuff here. Because I see you have two rolls right here, but do you have any more?"
SFHDE: "We have two rolls."
Layne: "Yes, but do you have any more?"
SFHDE: "Any more?"
Layne: "Yes."
SFHDE: "Of that?"
Layne: "Yes, do you have any more rolls of this fencing?"
SFHDE: "What?"
Layne: (seeing four more rolls on a higher shelf) "Oh, those look like the same stuff. Are they the same as this?" (pointing)
SFHDE: "What?"
Layne: "Are those rolls (more pointing) of fencing the same as this stuff I already have?"
SFHDE: "What?"
Layne: "Can we get them down and look at them?"
SFHDE: "Huh?
Layne: "Can you reach those? Because they're too high for me. Can you get them down?"
SFHDE: (half-heartedly waving his hand up at the higher shelf) "I'll have to get something to stand on."
Layne: "Okay."
SFHDE: "I'll go see if I can find something to get them down."
Layne: "Okay."
SFHDE: (walks away)
Layne: (waiting)
SFHDE: (returns after a couple of minutes) "Uh, I'm going to go get some steps to get up there."
Layne: "Okay."
SFHDE: (walks away)

time passes . . .

Layne: (finally just grabs a U-post and fishhooks the other rolls down from the higher shelf)
Layne: (walks down the aisle and gets eleven U-posts)
Layne: (starts wandering around, looking for the rebar that must be nearby)
SFHDE: (caught off-guard walking away from the fencing area and doesn't have the slightest idea what's going on) "Hey. Can I help you?"
Layne: "Uh, I got the other rolls down. Can you tell me where the rebar is?"
SFHDE: "What?"
Layne: "The rebar."
SFHDE: "What?"
Layne: (walks away)



Ambrose said...

Oh my goodness. L baits me by saying that you had problems with your fencing and that I should read your post about it. I am thinking my advice has all gone awry ...everything is the worst, etc. Oh how crafty she is.

I hope the rest of the fencing experiment goes better. Please let me know.

Justine said...

That's why you should shop at Lowe's...and come visit me :)

Layne said...

Justine, I just think it's sad that you're already a corporate toady.