Friday, May 14, 2010

come with me if you want to call someone

I think John's phone has become sentient.

I knew these phones were going to be a problem. Their whole marketing campaign centered on how smart they are, how many things they can do, and they even had a Terminator-style red eye in the commercials--I don't think that was a coincidence at all. But as ever, humans sow the seeds of their own destruction, and despite my surety that I was welcoming the enemy into my home, I was lured and placated by the promises of the new capabilities and ease it would bring to my life.

At first things were okay--we called people, we browsed the internet, we followed computer-voiced driving directions. But gradually John's phone started behaving strangely. It would drop calls suddenly, or it would only transmit one side of the conversation. This began happening more and more frequently--most often to me. I know, you're going to say that's because I am the one who calls him the most. I think maybe the phone has gotten to you, too.

Then last night I tried to call John to ask him to do something for me in town, and I was never able to get him to answer. And this morning I tried to call him while I was on my bike ride, and was only able to get him to pick up on the sixth call. I see what's going on here. His phone has decided that I'm too much of a distraction to John, and that he could accomplish more if I weren't bugging him all the time.

Well, you'd better watch it, phone. Because as far as I can tell, you're not made of liquid metal, and a hammer will work just fine on you.


All8 said...

Where's the Twilight Zone theme song when you need it? I would find John's phone problem quite bothersome. I support the hammer fix. Lead poisoning might work too. ;) Good luck.

richvm said...

I'm sorry to say the problem is not the phone. The hammer thing might still work but I'm a betting it doesn't solve the frustration, just gets blood on it.