whoopie-ti-yi-yo, get along, little dogies

I'm sick of looking at that Bon Jovi post, so here's a little something while I'm gone a-vacationing.

1. We had to irrigate on Monday, and it reminded me why people used to kill each other with shovels at the headgate.
2. A Cutco salesman called me the other day, and I was rude to him and told him I don't care for Cutco knives. I don't care how many people think they're great. I think they're crappy, and even if they weren't, they're powerful ugly.
3. I think the lady who lived here before us got the toilet in the upstairs bathroom from some kind of toilet seconds warehouse. It's the worst.
4. Despite my maverick tendencies I am seeing Wicked on Saturday night. If it's not as good as everyone has been telling me, I am holding all of you personally responsible.
5. A mouse should never marry a cat, because he will only eat all their food storage, lie about it, and then eat her when she finds out the truth. This is what always happens.