Tuesday, September 14, 2010

yellow matter custard

It's not that I mind being pear-shaped. It's as good a shape as any other, I suppose, and any scientician will tell you that it means I won't get heart disease or something. Pity the apple-shaped ladies whose legs we all envy, for they have purchased those legs with an increased risk of heart disease! Sometimes I wish I were noodle-shaped, but I suppose the noodle shape comes with problems of its own.

I had a lecture all ready for you guys about government and politicians and opportunistic curtailment of civil liberties and megalomania and duplicity and oppression, but it makes me too sad. Deleted! Plus, whenever I'm reading somebody's blog and they're trying to be all serious and earnest about some Great Cause, I think to myself, "Self, that person needs to shut up. This is off-putting." We're all idiots, and if we spent more time with our kids, trying to turn them into decent human beings, then the world might not need quite so much saving. That's what I think to myself every time I sit down to write some lame blog post, is, "Self, you need to spend more time with your kids. They are going to turn out creepy."

Canadian Harmony is the best peach, but it's pretty much gone now. Cresthaven is the next best--a thicker and slightly hairier skin than Canadian Harmony, but extremely sweet. Almost like a honeydew melon. Buy some and freeze them.

Yesterday in desperation I planted the elm all by myself with no help from John, just to keep it from tipping over. Now I've got to go out and do the same thing with the oaks. It's a darn nuisance, is what it is. John promised that if he didn't have to help pick them out he'd plant them. To make up for it he'd better get me that shirt from woot that I want.


All8 said...


My word verification is "sopanned". Just thought that you'd like to know.

tipsybaker said...

Okay, this is a great post. I will focus on the truly important content:
I had a noodle shaped friend -- not just noodle, I'm talking spaghettini -- and I once remarked on her good fortune. Earnestly, she told me that every shape had its problems and that it was hard to find jeans that were long enough for her legs.
I have had a good life as a pear, but lately I seem to be more of a pineapple.

Jill said...

I am a pear too. I wish I were an unripe pear, but no...I'm a squishy pear. All ready for picking. Maybe I need to grow a pair and

Tori said...

Umm, I prefer the term popsicle-shaped, because that is what my long-legged, no-waist body really is. Or was. Right now it's just try-to-cram-it-in-to-something-and-stand-in-the-back-at-picture-time-shaped.

All pants are made for pear shapes, by the way. My poor scrawny ass is always lost in fabric. I bet that is a controversial statement.