Wednesday, November 17, 2010

there are some things beyond the ken of mortal man that shouldn't be tampered with

For crying out loud, all I want is a cowboy boot with a dark grass green 14-inch shaft, a chocolate brown oiled vamp, a block heel, and a narrow square or U-shaped toe! Why is this so hard?

I'm going to tell you an ugly story about myself.

Last week I was in Smith's and I thought really judgmental thoughts about this dumpy, haggard-looking mom who was obviously way overextended with the three children under four running around pell-mell, pulling things off the shelves. She didn't seem too bothered by what was going on, but was half-heartedly threatening to take away their doughnuts if they didn't settle down, and they were yelling that they didn't want doughnuts anyway. She had a cart full of things that I would not call food, and I just looked at her and thought, "Well, duh." No wonder she looks and feels terrible. No wonder her kids are monsters. Garbage in, garbage out.

Maybe I think that buying better food than her makes me a better person. Maybe I take heart in knowing that there's at least one thing I'm not doing wrong. Maybe she was just having an off day. Maybe instead of looking down my nose at her I should have smiled reassuringly at her and said, "Kids! They're a handful!" But I didn't. Her kids were really bratty!

Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't tell these kinds of warts-and-all stories.

In other news, after many, many treatments of lemon juice, baking soda, and Nature's Miracle, the smell has finally dissipated from the unvarnished section of the dining room floor where Skiver chose to experience diarrhea after I fed him canned salmon last week.


Sarah said...

The grocery store is one of my judgmental places, too. Except usually I'll think something rude, and then my kids go and do something totally horrible, and I'm forced into humility. Do you suppose obligatory meekness earns me any Celestial Glory points? Crap, prolly not...

Tori said...

This doesn't really have anything to do with your post, but I want you to know that I'm making your pumpkin pie recipe this Thanksgiving. I hope that you don't lose too much sleep this week worrying about how my family will react.

And thanks for your comment about my reliability - that means a lot coming from you, someone I consider reliably funny.