Wednesday, January 26, 2011

why can't the english learn to speak?

Well, you guys know that we abide by the Law of the Harvest around here, and you can't get a funny video without an accompanying lecture. Sometimes. So, because I posted that video yesterday I have to remind everyone that I really do believe in that cause, and think that it's important--if perhaps not taken to the Portlandia extreme. Not because it's what the cool kids are doing right now, not to appease trendy goobers, not because it's a way to be Crunchier than Thou, but because it is our moral and ethical responsibility. Because it's better for the physical and spiritual health of everyone involved. I believe that we are accountable for the way we treat the people and animals racketing around on this crazy rock with us, and that we reap what we sow; cruelty and disregard, or compassion and care. Hey, surprise! The conversation has ended up once again on the Law of the Harvest! Sorry.

I watched part of the State of the Union address this morning while I was moseying on the treadmill. I say this for a few reasons:
1. I want you to think I'm smart.
2. I want you to realize that I am trying to exercise, even though I hate it and my butt just keeps getting bigger and bigger anyway. Curse you, sedentary lifestyle and hybrid vigor of my pear-shaped genes!
3. Wouldn't it be cool if we actually did the things he talked about? I got all fired up and wanted to start inventing stuff like cars that run on goat poop. Don't steal my idea. Also I want those solar roof shingles he mentioned.
4. It was not as interesting as watching my stories, so it made it hard to be motivated. So I'm not smart after all.

I wished that people would stop interrupting him to stand up and clap (I realize that he pauses for this, but still). When I was in high school my choir did a Sunday program at the Victory Assembly of God church, and I loved hearing people vocally agree with the sermon. Why can't the State of the Union be more like that, with people just saying "amen" and "that's right" if they're grooving on a particular bullet point? That way the speech won't feel disjointed, and it won't take nearly so long, and we can all get to bed. I'll be honest, after some of the long ovations I had to think for a minute to remind myself what he was even talking about before the clapping started. And this is shallow of me, but Michelle Obama is a really beautiful woman. Strikingly beautiful. I like pretty people who don't look like plastic. Good for her.

In closing, I think we own a new washer and dryer now, but I think I'll check for wasp nests in the vent before we install them.


highdeekay said...

Well, you have succeeded in proving that you are:
1) crunchier than I (I like the tender chicken breasts pumped full of formaldehyde).
2) smarter than I (I was reading "The Fat Cat Sat on the Mat" and "Elmo's Colors" instead of watching the State of the Union).
3) more inventive than I (I'm thrilled if I invent paper heart bouquets, it never crossed my mind to invent cars that run on goat poop).
4) wittier than I (that just goes without saying).

Even so, I'm so grateful to have a crunchy, smart, inventive, witty friend who accepts me as I am.