Friday, March 11, 2011

stubbed my toe on the table leg and stuck my nose in the butter

Something Kacy said on her blog got me to thinking. Breastfeeding is what's best for your child, we all know that. And I think you should know that I do actually think less of people who choose not to do it. I do not think formula is food. Not at all. There are circumstances that force us to use formula, myself included. But as an either/or choice? Not cool.

And yet . . .

I breastfed all four of my children, and they are in varying amounts disobedient, mouthy, mischievous, sloppy, pessimistic, hyper, rebellious, cunning, stubborn, obsessive, and lazy. They are terribly smart, except when they're being willfully obtuse (Ike). They take pleasure in seeing each other suffer (standard child behavior, I realize).

Could it be that breast milk is more than just milk? Is it also life force? Is it concentrated Essence of Mom? Perhaps the reason my children are so uniquely the way they are is that when I sat there hour upon hour filling their tummies I was also filling them with me-ness. Maybe I am an unfit breastfeeder, because my milk is toxic and cancerous with spite, elitism, self-righteousness, and all the other faults mentioned above that my children and I share.

The other day Grant asked me if he could dye his hair, and I said no. He argued a little bit, and gave an example of a boy in his class who dyes his hair. I said all the things about why does he want to change himself because he's so handsome as he is blah blah, but I also said that he can't do it because he's a boy, and boys who dye their hair are trashy, that it shows poor breeding, and it's declasse, which is just French for trashy. I have all kinds of corrosive opinions like this (like the one about formula moms), and most of them I don't even feel bad about.

I think I might be a terrible person, but I still think I'm better than most people. Does that mean I'm a little bit of a sociopath? Or just a mean narcissist?


kacy faulconer said...

I nursed my babies too for varying amounts of time and the one I nursed the longest is also the dumbest. There goes that theory! Kidding. I did nurse though. I'm pretty sure you're a narcissist and I'm a sociopath. Of course I am--I was bottle fed!

Do you hate your dog yet?

Tori said...

I'm not sure. I think that I would think you were more of a sociopath if my corrosive opinions didn't tend to jibe with yours. Which means at the very least *I* am a narcissist. But perhaps also a sociopath.

Also - I think most of the time using formula is a lazy cop out.

Melissa Cunningham said...

You are so funny. I laugh out loud when I read your posts. So, here's what I think. We all look at each other and judge. It's human nature. It's IMPOSSIBLE not to. (just my opinion) It's not until we get to the place where we have to actually do something we previously didn't believe in that we think, "Uh oh. I may have judged a little harshly." I've done that a thousand times.

As far as hair dying. I let Jake do it a few times. I figure we have to pick our fights and that's one I didn't care about. Plus, he only wanted to dye it black. We called him Pedro for a couple of months. That cured him.

Sarah said...

Oh man, I've thought about this loads of times. Maybe, just maybe, the fact that I'm an intense crazy person is the reason my kids are intense and crazy. Actually we have a sister-in-law who really feels her kids who were breastfed have tendencies far more like her own than the one who wasn't breastfed. Interesting...

Also, I agree with Melissa that it's usually the times I'm forced to do something I TOTALLY disapproved of that I feel really bad about being so judgmental allatime. Too bad I can't just drink a vile of "Charity" and become a really awesome, judgment-free kinda gal. Shoot.

You're not a narcissist nor a sociopath. You're really great and funny and happen to have strong opinions. Way to stand up for what you believe in. :)