Tuesday, November 1, 2011

eyes burning like coals

Wow! Thanks for this!

I have watched—generally with a mix of disapproval and concern, on a few rare occasions with approbation—as, one-by-one, my high school girlfriends jumped into marriages at the super-mature ages of 22, 23, and so on. Women who had seemed so driven and talented, so capable of achieving things beyond a comfortable small-town, nuclear family existence, are settling into and, in my not-so-humble opinion, for, just that.

--J. Bryan Lowder
in an article on Slate today

It is gratifying to see the "just a housewife" bigotry raise its ugly head again. How foolish of these women to waste their lives on merely raising children! I know the reason I got married and had children is that I'm just too darned stupid and shiftless to achieve "things beyond."

Neat guy, this Lowder fellow.

He's got a point, of course--girls who marry young before getting a good education are selling themselves short. But the patronizing tone really grates--I was graduated from college and had been working as a tech writer for a year when I got married at the "super-mature age of 22," and it was after I married John that I did my best growing and learning.

What does he really know about these women and what their drives and talents are, anyway? He is a pious nag with his "disapproval and concern." He should shut up.


Sarah said...

I'll tell you what: getting married at the ripe ol' age of TWENTY-ONE freaked me out, but it was the best darn thing I could have ever done. Ever. Maybe this guy needs to actually talk to these girls and see if they regret it. Maybe some of them do. But I'll bet a bunch of them wouldn't change it for a high-paying job behing a desk where they have to wear heels and talk to adults all day. Seriously, there is no greater training ground than in being a wife and a mother, and people who think "a comfortable small-town, nuclear family existence" sounds boring need to step foot in my house for one day. Because BORING it ain't. Yes, he should shut up.

Jill said...

hmmmm...I am too busy eating bon-bons and watching my stories to even read annoying articles like that...

highdeekay said...

Well, as someone who married at the ripe OLD age of 39, I have to say that I totally agree with this article. I mean, I became so much more intelligent in those years between 22 and 39. I travelled the world, and changed that world. Clearly, raising Eden and loving Phil are meaningless diversions to my real purpose and existence.

Maybe if you hadn't married soooo young, your mind would have expanded enough to understand the sophistication of this article.

Tori said...

I get the point as far as settling goes - but whether you are settling or not is not something for a 3rd party to judge. If I had married the guy I almost settled for at 22 (by the "he's too nice to break up with" line of reasoning), my life would have turned out much differently, and probably worse.

There are certainly women who get married, have children and become SAHM/housewives with extreme confidence in their desire to do so. But I think there are also a lot of women who don't know what to do next after school, and getting married and having babies is kind of a fallback plan. Again, though, which category a given woman falls into is not for anyone else to decide - and it always seems like those who are most judgmental are the ones who are most insecure about their own choices.

All8 said...

Yawn....Obviously this is someone who has (NOT) lived the kind of life he derides and certainly knows where it's all at.

Until the world figures out that opinions are not really useful except for oneself, there will be useless media fodder generated to fill some with a sense of rightness and others with either a sunken sense of worth or feelings of irateness. Pretty sure it's all for some kind of gain, but not necessarily for the best of society.