Thursday, January 5, 2012

mixed with zach galifianakis

I told Dr. Doug as I was sitting down in the chair, "I'm sure I have a cavity!" and he had the audacity, the unmitigated gall, to remark to his assistant, who is his daughter Natalie, "She says that every time she comes in," and he totally didn't think I would have a cavity, because my teeth are always so healthy. He is to blame for my overweening tooth conceit. P.S. he was right. You will be gratified to know that I received a clean bill of health, re: the teeth. I just have worn down the enamel (probably with my fervid brushing) and exposed a nerve, is all. Slap some sealant on it, done.

Can we talk about books for a minute? Yes, let's. How long are we going to have to wait before people stop re-imagining the Three Pigs story? Three gators, three javelinas, three naked mole rats, shut up with it already, won't you? I mean, do you not find it infuriating that there are probably hundreds, if not thousands, of genuinely talented children's book authors who are going unpublished because some idiot publisher keeps greenlighting another Katie Couric vanity project or "It's like the three pigs, only they're mermaids! In Alaska!" Jeez Louise, you're killing me. It's like someone saying, "Hey, people love the Beatles! So here's what I'll do. I'll sing a Beatles song, only my way!" No.

It's time for my post-Christmas home "improvement" project. This year it's going to be the basement, otherwise known as the dank pit. I don't even know where to start.


Sarah said...

Congrats on being cavity-less. And, uh, good luck with the basement. That sounds painful. Not because your basement is super bad or's not like...ummm... I just think home improvement in general is rough. I'ma take my foot outta my mouth now.