Monday, February 20, 2012

today in boots and concerns both biological and political

Like a total maroon I went to Smithfield Implement yesterday, thinking that their boot selection would be better than R & R Hardware's, but boy was I wrong, and if you're going to start making smart remarks about how I have plenty of boots then you know what, Napoleon? You can leave! I know I have plenty of boots. Some people like to buy outfits for their pets, I like to buy boots, all kinds.

A lady said a funny thing on Diane Rehm yesterday. She was talking about politics and the ugliness of the presidential campaign, and symbolized it this way: if you want people to buy your mayonnaise you don't keep talking about how greasy the other brand of mayonnaise is, because pretty soon people say, "Hmm. I don't think I want any mayonnaise."

I bought a few red bananas at Harmon's today, trying to show the banana companies that American consumers will be accepting of whatever comes after the Cavendish, and they can take a chance on us. They're a delicious banana, but then I looked them up and found out that the red banana is in the Cavendish group! Susceptible to the same diseases! I want to go on a banana-tasting expedition before they're all extinct from Panama disease or Sigatoka virus or Bunchy Top or whatever new, horrible thing is coming our way.

The guinea fowl are becoming tyrannical. This morning on my way home from grocery shopping I had to stop and wait for the whole big herd of them to take their sweet time crossing the road. There are probably at least thirty of them, and they just walk around like they own the place. If they don't watch out I'm going to birdnap a pair of them and make them have baby guinea fowl for me. Just as soon as I figure out which ones are boys and which ones are girls.

Did you know that mushroom stems will sprout new mushrooms if they're not trimmed?