Sunday, May 27, 2012

I like the word "tilth"

YOU GUYS.  Big news.  My parents just stopped by on their way to visit graves and complimented me on my yard.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND.  This is huge.  Don't get me wrong; I deserve it.  Our yard looks better now, today, than it has ever looked, without question.  It's all weeded, the lawn is mowed and edged, the flowers are growing, the garden is lush and verdant, the raised beds are neat and presentable, the patio does not currently have a Gordian knot of bicycles, hoses and lawn chairs sitting in a six-inch deep layer of dirt, and all is right with the world.  It's the first time I've felt, and now my parents have confirmed my hopes, that there will come a day in which our yard is not an eyesore and an embarrassment to our loved ones.

Sick of talking about the yard now.  Sick of talking about gardening.  Let's be done with that for a while.

I want to punch Sally in the face.  She is so mean to Sophie. I don't know why animals are like this; why they'll take a shine to one baby and not the other.  I'm worried that if I don't do something Sophie is going to be stunted, so tomorrow she's getting a bottle.  She's old enough now that she'll be okay if we can just get some food into her every once in a while, and soon she'll be able to eat hay and we won't need crappy Sally's help anyway. 

I did not make camembert after all.  I didn't have the stuff, and I don't have a way to age it at the right temperature.  Bleh, cheese is so picky.  I made mozzarella instead and am looking for an old fridge to act as a cheese cave.  If you know a florist who's going out of business and selling their coolers, you give me a buzz, all right?

I'm going to talk about some girl stuff now, IUDs specifically, so if you keep reading you deserve to be grossed out.  I have the Mirena IUD, and it's due to come out in a couple of months, so I'm frantically researching and trying to decide what to do.  Yes, it is weird that I, who warn of the coming Terminator uprising and look waspishly down my nose at people who choose convenience over nature, have chosen to have a piece of hormone-exuding plastic implanted into my body, but it's an example of how people are better at consulting than implementing.  I love my children, and I want to be a good mom to them, and therefore choose not to have any more children.  So, what do I do?  Here are my preconceived notions: 

"Alternative" and "natural" contraception:  wouldn't it be nice if I had the faith to trust these methods?  I don't. 
The pill: less effective than an IUD, has more side effects, and is a higher dose of hormones, so that seems dumb. 
Condoms:  not my favorite. 
Tubal ligation:  makes me suspicious. 
Mirena:  no problems I've noticed, but there are the synthetic hormones . . . gross.  Plus what about uterine perforation?  That sounds bad. 
Paraguard:  no hormones, but again with the perforation. 
Shots:  equally effective as IUDs, but cause diminished bone density.  Are weak bones better than a holey uterus? 

So, faithful readers, how should I best prevent myself from stretching myself too thin, sanity-wise?  How should I keep the babies out?  Advise me!  Correct my ignorant misgivings!


Eric said...

Well, you can ask your husband to step up and take one for the team. I did, and while it was not pleasant, it is effective. You can read about it on my blog

Mom M. said...

tubal ligation .... easy and to have cut and not tied

beckster said...

Well, I'm with Eric. Ask your husband to take one for the team. If he won't, then consider having a tubal. I assume that your children are old enough that you truly do not want to have any more and that you have seriously considered this. (I know you are a serious and considered women, just checking.) Having said that, a tubal can be reversed sometimes. Mom M is right, best to have those tubes cut and not tied. They can come untied, and as active as you are, they might! Just kidding. Why are you suspicious of this procedure? I would like to correct your misgivings, but I don't know what they are. A permanent form of birth control like this will be the most freeing and most effective. You will be done with it. IUDs are effective, but a small number of women have problems with infection, perforation. Hormones, particularly progesterone, can cause problems over the long haul. Progesterone is implicated in breast and other cancers, not estrogen alone. This birth control thing is a big chemistry experiment, and some experiments are more predictable than others. Having said that, pregnancy can be much more dangerous for a women than chemical birth control. If it were me, I would go for something permanent if I was sure I did not want to have another pregnancy. One less thing to worry about!

tipsybaker said...

This is so funny -- voting on birth control. But since you asked: vasectomy. There's some reason it's safer than tubal ligation, can't remember what it is Or am I imagining? Some men aren't comfortable with the whole idea, though, so that must be respected.
In which case -- tubal.
I'm anti hormones. I got sick -- like, morning sick -- when I took the Pill.

tipsybaker said...

P.S. what I learned in the camembert workshop is that you can just age it in the refrigerator. Not ideal, but it will work.

All8 said...

I could verse lyrical about birth control methods but it's mostly about how they all stunk for me; and getting my tubes tied was one of the worst decisions I ever made, and it's not because I want to have another baby. Hormones turned me into a screaming, crying maniac. And just for kicks, I have an intolerance to spermicide. Fun stuff. If you want the story about the tubal, just let me know. I'll be brief, but it's too much for a comment here. So I guess, if I had to do it all over again, I'd go with the vasectomy or man up and use condoms like an adult or give abstinence a go.

Tori said...

I told my husband he better get himself comfortable with the idea of a vasectomy, just like I got comfortable with spending the first five years of our relationship paying for and taking birth control and dealing with its side effects, and then got comfortable with pregnancy and childbirth. It only seems fair to me.