Monday, December 10, 2012

I'll state my case of which I'm certain

Children, today I am going to acquire supplies to make a fruitcake.  I have never made or tasted fruitcake, and I think that is shameful.  I haven't actively avoided it, but my grandma is the only person in my family who has ever made it, and I've never been in the right place at the right time to have any.  John is horrified by my plans.  He has become incoherent in his attempt to describe to me how gross he finds fruitcake.  He says it's the cake equivalent of kidney and liver.  He says if you like your fruit to be aged and rotten, then fruitcake is for you.  Ha!  He is delightful.  I'm going to do it anyway. 

I saw a thing about glasses that change color when someone puts date-rape drugs in your drink, and it depressed me to have to think about date rape so early in the morning, but it also made me realize that Mad-Eye Moody would probably never get date-raped.  The flask, people.  This is what I'm telling you. The flask is your friend.  And right now I am having nightmare visions about my sister, who is in college, and my children, who will someday be in high school and college.  And now I'm feeling murderous rage and contemplating revenge scenarios.  It's been a roller-coaster morning already! 

Sitting here thinking about life and stuff, I wonder if I've done a good enough job of impressing upon my children that most people are completely untrustworthy and are only waiting for the right opportunity to betray you and do you harm.  I will ask them about it when they get home from school. 


richvm said...

I love your blog(s). It's always a good read and it always makes me laugh!

Jenny said...

That was me. I love you more than Richard.

beckster said...

This I will tell you truly. Fruitcake follows the most simple of culinary rules. Only put into it what you like, and it will be good. If you put obnoxious things into it that you would not normally eat, it will be very bad. If sitting around eating citron sounds horrendous, do not put it into your fruitcake. It's a little late to make fruitcake. It it better after it has aged a bit. I salute your courage! You are, as we say in the South, a HOOT!

All8 said...

Good luck with the fruitcake. I would recommend making a small one. If you like it, it will leave you wanting more. If you hate it, it won't weigh too heavily on your conscience when you heave it to the chickens. (I have had fruitcake and, unfortunately belong in John's camp on this one. Shudder.)