Tuesday, April 2, 2013

they're kidding me with this "finding dory" thing, right?

Which is the worst small appliance, do you think?  Blenders have a bad rap, although they seem to be a bit more reliable than they once were, and I hear bad things about coffeemakers, but I think we can all agree that toasters are the worst.  THE WORST.  Always breaking, inconsistent performance, phantom bagel toasting, crumb trays that are only nominally so . . . I have anger in my heart because of my toaster.  But it's not bad enough that I can bring myself to replace it with another likely as poor-performing.  The devil you know, as they say.

I made pound cake for the first time yesterday, from Tipsy's book.  I assume you've bought it by now, and if not, I can't help you.  But back to the cake--I have eaten a few pound cakes; enough to know that pound cake is rarely worth the calories.  But I was in the mood for pound cake yesterday, and who am I to question the fates?  I looked askance at the teaspoon of nutmeg, because I didn't want eggnog cake, but I made the recipe as written, which if you know me at all means I have tremendous respect for Jennifer.  She is one of very few cooks whom I trust enough to make the recipe their way the first time, and modify later if needed.  And I was right to trust her, because the cake was wonderful.  Moist, dense, with a crackly, almost shortbready crust, and the nutmeg is present at the perfect level to add nuance and warmth to the cake without being immediately identifiable as NUTMEG.  Or, as we call it at our house, buttmeg.  We are immature and gross.

I'm not saying that the "war" that North Korea has declared with us is for reals, but if I were North Korea or similar and I wanted attention, I would absolutely wait until my powerful enemy had overextended itself for a number of years in a series of ill-considered wars and then bring the pain down upon them.  Granted, this pain might not exist because I am a destitute and exceedingly poorly-governed country, but then again this pain might exist after all, because by grinding the faces of the poor and oppressing the hireling in his wages perhaps I have found some room in my budget for off-brand/reconditioned nukes.  But then again, maybe the nukes had to be hocked to pay for my new vanity palace staffed by flying weasels.  That's what's fun about North Korea:  not knowing.

I'm beginning to lose patience with the crowd of people dismissing anti-GMO sentiment as being anti-science.  We can't feed everyone without them, they say.  There's nothing to fear from them, they say.  Yes, I see.  We must have been studying genetically modified crops for so long now that we know everything there is to know about them and their possible effects on our world.  And this nonsense about how we can't feed people without them--there is such incredible waste of food right now that it should sicken all of us.  It's not that we don't have enough food, it's that certain segments of the population are consuming far more than we should.  I realize that not all GMOs are created equal.  Some are malignant and some are benign.  Isn't that a good reason to monitor and control them carefully?  Let's not be so naive as to think that Monsanto and its friends just want to feed the world and it's our pesky regulations holding them back.  If only they didn't have to live every day under the shadow of a potential lawsuit!  Then they could really do some good.

I saw a picture of a botfly larva, and now I'm afraid that there were botflies in our hay last year.  But a botfly larva wouldn't hang out in hay, would it?  It would only be in an animal, right?  Ugh, parasites are so gross.  And now my head itches.


All8 said...

Toasters are easy to despise because of their temperamental work ethic, but my most dismissive appliance is the darn stick blenders. They are the divas of the appliance world and they know it. Making all kinds of demands but never quite fulfilling their contract but you have to have one or else your roasted butternut squash soup isn't as creamy and alluring. All hail the stout and sturdy blender, which makes no such demands and just demurely requests to be washed. Good luck on your quest for the perfect toaster. It just might be the Holy Grail of kitchenwares.