Thursday, September 12, 2013

but not a real fur coat that's cruel

Consider this a warning shot fired across the bow:  any clothing label that is still using itchy, sewn-in tags is asking, nay, begging to be boycotted.  What a bunch of malarkey.  It is 2013, sweatshops, you don't think those six-year-olds can learn to stamp a tag instead of sew it in?  It's a way easier skill, you can probably have the four-year-olds do it.  Speaking of which, how soon can we expect to start 3-D printing our cheap t-shirts instead of having child slaves do it?  Because I feel pretty guilty about my complicity in their hell life, but because it is a remote problem, I still refuse to pay more than $10 for a t-shirt, $15 for a nice one or one with long sleeves.  I don't see a better solution than printing our clothes, is what I'm saying.

The call from that weird water/kefir lady reminded me that I needed to check my kefir, and so I changed the milk and rinsed the grains, and now my hands smell like I live in an abandoned cheese factory, which would be the coolest children's book series.  Can you imagine what a group of plucky orphaned children who want to keep the family together could get up to in an abandoned cheese factory?  What if . . . what if they started the factory back up, and started selling cheese, and it started winning awards, and then the media would want to know who was behind this new cheese sensation, and they'd have to figure out how to elude the prowling reporters, and there would be some tension when they were found out, because an evil person would pretend to be their distant relative to try to cash in on their success, but then they would realize that the kindly middle-aged man they'd brought in off the street to be their pretend dad could actually be declared their legal guardian because he was a good-hearted war veteran who had lost track of his family in the dark years since Vietnam, and it turns out that he really was their dad's long-lost brother, and the evil Ms. Hannigan/Count Olaf figure would gnash her/his teeth in defeat, and then Uncle Russ would fall in love with the lady detective who had discovered the orphans' secret, and they would get married because I'm old-fashioned, and Uncle Russ would stay home with the kids while Hannah Storm or whatever would solve crimes during the day because I'm modern too, and the kids would make cheese except when they were at school, public school, because they know that if we all don't invest in the system it's not going to get any better.  BOOM, million-dollar idea right there.  I call rights on the story, but might have somebody ghostwrite it for me.  Haven't decided yet.


beckster said...

No one could write it better than you. However, in the final version, you must exploit the whole smelly cheese aspect if it is going to a be a children's story. Otherwise it would be a total waste of sophomoric humor possibility.