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Thursday, September 5, 2013

I will do the dishes while you go have a beer

I am so offended by the line of portable toilets called "Honey Bucket."  Apparently it is also a generic term, whose etymology eludes me.  How repellent.  What person would want those two concepts associated?  A septic tank pump truck painted bright yellow and called "The Stool Bus," that I can support.  But I reject this tarnishing of honey's image and, should I ever have occasion to rent portable toilets, WILL NOT patronize this company.  This is my vow.

I've made most of our mayonnaise for the last few years, because I like meaningless busywork, especially on school mornings, and like a total lamewad I've been dragging out the blender and assembling the ingredients one by one, adding the oil in a slow steady stream . . . pfft.  What a waste of time.  Last week I remembered an infomercial I saw as a child, when immersion blenders were a new magic, and I remembered the shill making mayonnaise by dumping all the ingredients into a plastic cup and blending it right there.  So I, being a smartypants, decided to do that, and then today, just now, I thought, why not make it in the storage cup itself?  Do you see how sometimes people are intimidated by my prodigious intellect?  And it is a way big process improvement, if anyone was curious.

Groceries has been asleep on the chair in the living room since before the children got on the bus.  He is lazy.   He probably weighs about eighteen pounds.  He's also the one who barfs and poops in the house.  But look at him!  How could I stay mad at him?

You can poop on my bath mat anytime, little buddy.

This is a lie.  Don't really do that.

2 comments:

All8 said...

Ambrose says that the septic tank pump truck is called a Honey Wagon, therefore the "Honey Bucket." FIL was a plumber and Ambrose his sidekick most summers.

I feel your pain, Lady Jane on occasion likes to use the boys room as a urinal, but she's so loving and sweet....

amy greenway said...

I love my immersion blender so much that I want to marry it. I hate dragging the blender out and then having to clean it. I make our salad dressing, smoothies, even pesto with mine. They should use me as a testimonial. I could probably even drop a few tears over it.