Saturday, November 30, 2013

just snap your fingers and I'm walking

Hey all.  How was your Thanksgiving?  Mine was good, if severely lacking in pie options.  There was a Key lime that was the best I've ever tasted and so my wrath was abated somewhat, but other than that there were a lot of bad things happening, pie-wise.  No banana cream, a store-bought French silk, other disappointments I choose not to discuss in mixed company.  I accept that not all people share my testimony of pie, but that doesn't mean I'm not right.  I can't help it that they're ignorant savages.  I made three pies, none of which I got to eat.  An apple pie for my sister, who was hosting her in-laws, which she cooked at her house because my oven was full of a turkey--more on that later--and then a raspberry pie and a bananas Foster cream pie for our friends.

I cooked a 32-pound turkey that we bought from a 4-H neighbor child and it was 1) incredibly expensive and 2) moist and delicious and flavorful.  The flavor was a bit gamy, and therefore off-putting if you are a fan of the standard "I know there's something in my mouth but I'm not sure what it is" taste of turkey, but I loved it.  My mom said it tasted like fish, which I know sounds like a compliment but was not.  Agree to disagree!  I also made 77 rolls.  It was a big day. 

We bagged a Christmas tree yesterday.  Every year I get closer to saying screw this noise and just sticking some branches in a bucket, but I guess we mainstreamed it one more year.  I would really love to try a Quakey, but I think maybe the tree permit only allows evergreens?  I would hate to go to jail for violating the terms of a tree permit.  Do you think the BLM has their own jail, and if so, do the inmates get coveralls in that rad minty green color?  Is the jail in the mountains, and is it a log cabin?  Might be worth it . . .

Over the past few days we've been making fun of Black Friday shoppers and loudly vocally shaming anyone who would go shopping on Thanksgiving because anyone who would make another person work on Thanksgiving Day just so they could buy their stupid thneed is immoral.  Just want to throw that out there.  I don't care if you go shopping on Friday, even though it makes me feel claustrophobic to think about it, but Thursday?  The actual day of Thanksgiving?  You are a monster.  As a wise man once said, if a piece of crap took a crap, and then that crap threw up, and that throw up then took a crap . . . that is you.