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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

I want the same rush, over and over and over and over and over

John has been working from home for a couple of days because he blew out his knee playing a game we call "Flamingo" at family home evening and now he can't walk.  Mock him if you must, but his story is your story, and my story, and the story of every sedentary American.  So he's been having his meetings over the phone while he tries to get his knee functioning again, and he has his work voice on, which for people who only know him casually would be a shock.  John comes across as a pretty chill guy, and he usually is laid-back, but it's all a front.  He's actually quite intense and forceful, he just spends his ammo judiciously.  He is not a man who puts up with nonsense.  He's not mean or anything, just very direct. 

Last week I was at planning and zoning, and we were talking about how the rogue midwife needs to have a business license whether she sees patients in her home or not, and I said, "For example, we have to have a business license for John's business, and all it means is that he sits on our bed and does taxes," and one of the other board members laughed nervously and cried out, "TMI!  I didn't need to know that," and I was like . . . what do you think "doing taxes" means?  Is this some weird euphemism for a daring sex act I don't know about?  Of course I, being the sort of person who doesn't actually want to make people feel uncomfortable at a planning and zoning meeting, did not vocalize my internal dialogue.  Inappropriate! I don't know how what I said could have made her uncomfortable, but what she said definitely made me uncomfortable. 

Did I tell you about how I'm going to grow my tomatoes in straw bales this year?  The bales are all ready for planting, and I'm just waiting for the weather to warm up enough to not freeze my plants.  I think I'll put some strawberries in the sides while I'm at it.  I can only fit three plants, maybe four, so I will have to choose carefully.  I guess if I just can't make up my mind I can put some in the big garden.  I want a Mr. Stripey and a Sunsugar for sure, and then I'll need a nice blackish purple one, probably Cherokee Purple, unless I can find a Black Krim.  Then a Brandywine, and that's it for the bales.  I haven't yet found a green tomato that I think lives up to the hype--Green Zebra tastes all right, but they're so tiny!  Too much cutting to make a sandwich. 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

and that means I get my pizza in five minutes

I have a guitar recital next week, and I'm very nervous, because I'm going to get destroyed by a bunch of kids.  And the other adult students.  From prior experience I know that it's no fun to be the new student at a recital, but hopefully the audience will be merciful.  Per the many layers of instruction in the very self-helpy "The Inner Game of Music" I will attempt to allow my alert, confident Self 2 to override my judgy, insecure Self 1 so that I can perform to the best of my abilities.  I will give myself over to the fact that I am going to appear ridiculous, and that's okay.  I will have an agile mindset!

I will be playing "Your Surrender," by Neon Trees.  It sounds weird right off the bat because I'm playing an acoustic guitar instead of an electric guitar.  My teacher is playing bass and he's having some guy who teaches drums come and play the drums and it's basically going to be an elaborate exhibit of making a silk purse out of a sow's ear, because I so do not merit that kind of outlay of talent.  But it was my teacher's suggestion, and he kind of just barreled ahead with it and maybe he's just trying to drown me out?  Who can say?  It definitely sounds better with the bass.  I don't know about the drums yet, because I've never played with this guy. It may suck and we won't even know until we're in the thick of it!  But I bet the drums will be nice.

Even though I still suck super bad at the guitar, learning another instrument has already made me a more aware--and therefore more appreciative--musician.  I like noticing more in the songs I listen to.  Even dumb little nothing songs have a lot going on, and you start to figure out just how talented people have to be to write their own music, even when it's lame and repetitive.  I keep making John sing "Poison & Wine" with me, and it's hard for him because of the many, many times it says the same thing, but the harmonies are incredible, and the simplicity of the accompaniment and the bitterness and heartache and longing in the song are still really compelling to me, even if it does say "I don't love you, but I always will" roughly a hundred million times.  

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

one and two and three and four and

The best kind of friend is the kind with whom you can discuss all manner of things, from the symbolism of Miley Cyrus miming sexual congress with a giant inflatable hot dog, to Russia vs. Ukraine and the wage gap, and everything in between.  John is that kind of friend to me, for which I am thankful.  He is very inquisitive, and likes to find out where truth ends and opinion begins, and where in that space people build their walls.  When we first started dating I was unused to long, detailed explorations of the ramifications of legalizing marijuana or taking your children to nude beaches, and it was quite an eye-opener for me.  My family sublimates all disagreement and negative emotion, and I am a very bossy, opinionated person who tends to shoot first and ask questions later, so it was a weird mix and I had to adjust my perspective.  Because of the questions John asked me I was confronted with the realization that a lot of my opinions were based on culture more than truth, and that was a hard thing to accept.  I think I've made a fair amount of progress in the time that John and I have been married, and I guess I'm pretty close to perfect now, which is a relief.  I thought it would take longer. 

Sunday, April 13, 2014

product may stay: mentos breath mints

I like gum, but sometimes I get irritated by chewing it.  Too much work!  I like the idea of mints, but usually I just eat them like candy and they leave a bad aftertaste.  Tic-tacs are THE WORST candy.  I really don't know who in their right mind would eat them. 

I like these mints: 

They look sort of like a stool softener or a pain-reliever gelcap, but they taste good and feel nice in my mouth.  And they don't have a gross aftertaste or make my teeth furry.  Product may stay. 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

I expect to live single all the days of my life

Yesterday I was talking a walk down to check on a neighbor, and I was just in my normal clothes, instead of "exercise clothes," and people were giving me crap about walking in my cowboy boots.  Well, it's not like I'm really exercising, so why bother pretending?  Plus these particular boots are more comfortable than my athletic shoes, anyway.  When I go walking before I take my shower I wear athletic shoes, but I have always balked at getting into exercise clothes after I've showered.  Seems to defeat the purpose.  So yesterday I took my exercise in jeans and cowboy boots.  Sue me. 

The mayor was out spraying weeds in his driveway and wanted to discuss a rogue midwife zoning situation we've got going on.  He was one of the people who hassled me about my boots.  Duh, he should know better.  He wears boots to church, surely he understands?

Hungry, anyone?

They're good for what ails you.  As long as what ails you is intestinal parasites. 

Monday, April 7, 2014

speak softly to me

Hello everyone.

Last week was our spring break.  We went to the aquarium and it was okay, kind of lame as aquariums go, but I guess pretty good for a landlocked state.  The otters were the best part I think.  There were some poison dart frogs either fighting or mating furiously--they were different varieties, so I am not sure about the viability of any offspring.  If there are any herpetologists in the audience I would love to discuss this mating/fighting behavior at length. 

On Friday we had a culinary world tour, and I made the children choose from my Time-Life Foods of the World series an appetizer, entrée, side dish, and dessert, each from a different country.  For the side dish they chose green beans in tomato sauce (judías verdes con salsa de tomate--Spain and Portugal), and I think they were just being jerks because they were sick of looking through the cookbooks, but I called the crap out of their bluff, and the green beans were actually pretty good.  The appetizer ended up being chips and salsa (Mexico), which did not come out of the Time-Life books but I guess we'll let it slide.  The entrée was Toad in the Hole (sausages baked in eggy batter--the British Isles), which my kids began clamoring for as soon as I told them what was expected.  Dessert was a Paris-Brest (Provincial France), which I must admit was pretty stunning. 

Also I got to do a little bit of postpartum/newborn goat care, which was great.  Hazel and Sally are starting to look more robust, so maybe their breeding took after all, huzzah!  I wonder if Hazel will kid triplets again.  If so, I hope none of them are breech.  I had no idea how dangerous that was until afterward--thank goodness we didn't lose her.  Ah, reminiscing.