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Friday, May 29, 2015

where the fun doesn't stop at only eighty bucks a pop in beautiful happy world land

Image result for magners bee beard


I am deep in the throes of prepping for Travis Sorenson Day, which is a holiday John and I have created, and which maybe I've mentioned before, I don't remember.  In short, we've declared a holiday in honor of one of John's childhood friends, because Travis has always remembered John's birthday ever since John moved to Utah, and John felt bad that he never reciprocated, so we decided that we would start celebrating Travis's birthday.  That was long ago, in the halcyon days of 2008.  We were so young then!  Also we didn't have air conditioning, which was hard on our guests, since there was no way to escape from the oppressive heat of late May in Utah.  How times have changed.  For this year's festivities we're having pork tacos, which is what I'm busy with right now.  We cleaned the patio off last weekend, and Grant spent six hours, literally, mowing the lawn.  It's been so rainy that we haven't been able to mow and it was like the pampas of Argentina out there.

I still haven't dared to open my beehive and get the honey.  All the other bee people are nagging me and prophesying dire events if I don't, but nuts to them.

I think maybe Sally and Minerva aren't actually pregnant?  Surely they would have kidded by now.  They aren't getting any fatter, and there are only two weeks left in the window of time to correspond with the buck being here.  Strange.  Maybe he was shooting blanks.  Or maybe they saw what happened to Hazel and were like NOPE, REABSORBING NOW.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

I was just doing what any hero would do

Image result for parks and recreation ron gif

Right off the bat I want to say that I like Jim Gaffigan's comedy.  Beyond the Pale is delightful and some of it was so funny it made me cry.  Mr. Universe, same.  So you know that when I say I expected better of his new show it comes from a place of love.  And I should watch it before I judge too harshly, but I saw a promo photo for it yesterday, and it looks like the main cast is four dudes and one lady?  Like, even his wife's best friend is a man?  And then he tweeted a picture of a cast list, and it was, like, the biggest sausagefest.  Five women and twenty-eight men--many of the men are cameos, so I don't know if that's one episode or multiple episodes or what, but still.  C'mon, Jim.  Let's get some women in there, unless that is in fact representative of your real life, in which case what a disappointing world this still is.

And since I spent yesterday avoiding work by watching Parks and Recreation, I am reminded that I love that show.  I love all the characters, I love how they've grown and blossomed over the years, and I want to hug them all, except Councilman Jamm, whom I hate so much.  

Okay!  I'm lying, I didn't really avoid work the whole day.  I was trying to write something and it was so, so terrible.  I keep getting about two pages into a story and then it's so bad I have to close it down and start a new one, which is just as bad, repeat to infinity.  

I will not miss David Letterman.  He's gross and creepy.  

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

no you cain't get a man with a gun

Someone told me the other night that they couldn't imagine me getting angry or yelling at my kids, which I guess means that I'm successfully passing as a nice person.  Good job, me!

I mean, I am generally nice, in that I don't believe in being rude for no reason, and I almost always accept food assignments for funerals and such, and yeah, I try to help children improve their literacy even though they act like jerks, but my gooey center is not a sweet one.  I think my gooey center probably tastes like tobacco spittle.

While slogging my way through the twitters I realized that when I scroll using the touchpad my computer makes a barely-audible clicking sound, sort of like ruffling pages in a book, and I am so annoyed by this now that if I were a baby I would be fussing SO MUCH, and my parents would probably have to buy a white noise machine to drown out the sound of the clicks so I could sleep.  Except, here's the part I've never figured out:  how can anyone sleep with the sound of white noise?  "Hey, you know that noise you hear when your radio station isn't coming in very clear?  That sound that's so irritating that you'd rather not listen to the radio at all?  Let's make a machine that makes that noise all the time, and it will sell like hotcakes!"  Babies are crazy is what I'm saying.

I don't think I ever missed the bus when I was in junior high or high school, but I drive Grant and/or Emmett to school at least once a week.  This is how you know I'm not doing a very good job on them.  At least they're not on drugs, that we know about, but if they could add "can catch the school bus" and "is considerate of others" to their resumes it would be really neat.